The jeans at the tippy-top of the closet.

I have been slowly trying to lose a couple lbs here and there. Nothing crazy. No big diets. I like my body, but i just want to get back to where i started. AKA Pre-Marriage, AKA I gained the dreaded Newlywed pounds. Here is a small fact about getting married that you don't think will happen to you. Suddenly you are just so in love and so happy that you think you can eat ~~brownies, cookies, ice cream~~ EVERYTHING and you won't gain a pound. Then one sad day you go and try on a pair of your pants and they don't fit. You use the excuse that I'm just growing up. I'm becoming a woman. But really....You just are eating like crap and trying to justify it. Granted, i am technically not a newlywed. We have almost been married 2 1/2 years, but those late night mac-n-cheese dinners didn't just magically fall off in my sleep with time.

At the top of my closet i kept a couple pairs of pants from the days of yore when Jar and I were dating. Back then i bought jeans that were more than $40 from Target, and i hated the thought of giving away expensive lovely jeans that were perfectly fine, but just didn't fit anymore. So i wishfully stowed them away at the tippy-top of my closet hoping that one day they would fit.

About 6 months ago i just tried to pull down one of those beautiful pairs of pants to see if they would fit. I couldn't even get them past my hips. I wanted to cry. I hated me. I hated those pants. I wanted to throw them in the garbage and never see them again. But i realized, "Hey Self, maybe you should stop having brownie sundaes every night and one fine day those jeans you used to love may fit again?" Maybe. Maybe they would.

So that is where the idea started. Honestly, i don't believe that dieting works for me. The very minute i tell myself I can't have something, suddenly that is all I want. I felt that dieting seemed so extreme and that it was something i wouldn't be able to continue doing once i lost the weight i wanted. All in all i wanted to lose about 20lbs off this body of mine. Nothing dramatic, but just enough to get back to where i was.

On the other end of the dieting spectrum....i'm not a die hard gym fanatic. I don't mind going, but i don't crave the gym like some do. Trust me, i wish i did. I get bored and have to watch America's Next Top Model to keep me entertained. I never knew what workouts to do to challenge myself, so i'd always end up just doing the elliptical for an hour and not even be breaking a sweat. Boring. So obviously i wasn't going to be able to just eat what i wanted and work it off in the gym.

I realized that its all in my head. If i'm really hungry, an apple should sound good. If it doesn't, I'm probably not really hungry...i'm bored. So i slowly changed my view on what food was. Food wasn't something to plan around...it was something that is helping my body get what it needs to function. That took time to adjust to. I was so used to eating whatever i wanted and as much as i wanted because it was Lunchtime or Dinnertime. Instead, i looked and said, Am i reaaaaallly hungry? Most of the time, I'm not.

So what have i done? I just eat quality foods and stop eating when i'm no longer hungry. Sounds like how we are normally supposed to eat right? Damn you America and your biased food views. So i basically have cut my calories and eat small portions daily. Instead of ordering my own meal when we go out to eat, i share with Jarrick or order a kids meal. Rather than finishing a whole meal so i'm not "wasting food," i just eat until i am satisfied and take leftovers home for another time. Over time, i feel like my stomach has shrunk to a point where it doens't take too much food to fill me up. But, it took a lot of time and discipline.After a few months i started noticing a small difference. To be honest, I still have no idea how much weight i have really lost. ( i don't like stepping on a scale. They scare me.) I just knew things had changed...i felt different.

This morning i felt brave. I reached to the tippy-top of my closet and pulled down a pair of those pants i tried on 6 months before. I honestly was scared. What if they were still WAY too tight. What if it was all in my head and i really had gained a million pounds?! I talked myself into it and slipped them right on. POOF! They went on! I wanted to shout to the rooftops and spin in circles shouting THEY FIT! Dramatic much? Yes. But I'm okay with it.

I'm not to where i ultimately want to be, but knowing that i'm on my way there and that those pants fit was more motivation than i have ever had. I can do it. Anyone can do it. So today, i wore those pants with pride and have realized that I'm a lot tougher than i ever thought i could be.
SO THERE pants at the top of my closet.